In the Dark

According to my blog analytics, some of my several readers are based in the United Kingdom, or use a VPN that makes that seem the case. For the reason that much of my content is inappropiate for adults, I am taking the opportunity to outline the measures I am introducing on this website, for the benefit of these readers, to ensure compliance with the new Online Safety Act. The principal requirement of the new legislation is that there be online age verification, to prevent adults accessing platforms designed for children. (Is this bit right?, Ed.)

On this website, age verification will be carried out by requiring potential readers based in the UK to submit all (not some) of the following through the comments box below this post:

• Personal Information: Full name, mother’s maiden name, father’s maiden name, name of first school attended, pet’s name, pet’s mother’s name, any other memorable names that may be relevant.
• Biometric Information: age, weight, height, hair colour, eye colour, hair size, eye size, shoe size, inside leg measurement and any other measurements likely to be of interest to a pervert.
• Photo identification: all your private pics and videos (yes, those ones) or, preferably, those of someone more attractive than you.
• Financial documents: credit card information, including card number, valid from date, expiry date, and CVV number, plus a photograph of the card of sufficiently high quality to make a copy.
• Proof of Residence: 37 recent documents (dated no later than last month), such as bank statements, utlility bills, high court summonses, eviction notices, etc, showing evidence of home address, and postcode, plus photographs of your house and a list of dates and times when it is expected to be unoccupied.

The use of this information will be strictly limited to compliance with the Online Safety Act. I guarantee that I will not use any of this information for illegal or immoral purposes, though the companies I sell it do may well use it for either or both of those things.

I hope this clarifies the situation.