Archive for Private Eye

Notts in the Eye

Posted in Education with tags , on October 25, 2026 by telescoper

My former colleague at Nottingham University, Philip Moriarty, alerted me to a piece in the latest Private Eye (No. 1686) about the parlous state of affairs there. The teaser on the left shows a bit more than Philip did in his post, but if you want to read the rest you should buy a copy of the Eye. Next to the story about Nottingham University, you will find one about Edinburgh University, which you will want to read if you work there…

The video that appeared in a previous post about Nottingham University has been taken down. I’m not really surprised, because it shows the University Management in a very poor light and we can’t have that, can we?

I have heard stories about how bad the situation is at Nottingham University. Apparently some members of staff are being told that they have to reapply for the jobs they currently hold and will have to do the same every year for the next three years. This is a disgraceful way to treat academic staff, but remember that this crisis was entirely caused by University Management, not the academic or other staff who are bearing the brunt of the cuts.

There may be massive job cuts among ordinary staff at the University of Nottingham, but there’s still money for three new Pro-Vice-Chancellor positions there. The purpose of these positions is “explained” in the following blurb that consists of the sort of vacuous nonsense such advertisements:

Our proposed transition from five faculties to three colleges will strengthen collaboration, support academic excellence and position Nottingham for long-term success. We are recruiting a Pro-Vice-Chancellor for each of the College of Humanities and Social Sciences, College of Health, and College of Science and Engineering. Each will bring together complementary disciplines, creating new opportunities for interdisciplinary education and research, knowledge exchange and external partnerships. Joining at this formative stage, you will shape your college’s strategy, identity and culture, building on established strengths while opening new possibilities for its staff and students.

As a member of the University Executive Board, you will contribute to institutional strategy and decision-making, working collaboratively with your fellow College Pro-Vice-Chancellors to advance the success of the whole university while taking executive responsibility for your college’s performance and development. You will lead excellence in education and student experience, research and knowledge exchange, supported by a coherent and sustainable academic portfolio and effective stewardship of resources. You will shape student growth, recruitment priorities and the long-term academic direction of the college. You will foster a culture of accountability and be responsible for delivering measurable improvements in academic and financial performance against institutional priorities and key performance indicators. Working closely with academic and professional services colleagues across our global campuses, you will lead change, strengthen financial sustainability and build partnerships that enhance Nottingham’s reputation and impact locally, nationally and internationally.

We are looking for accomplished senior leaders who combine strategic vision with a record of delivering change and improving performance. You will bring the communication and interpersonal skills to build trust, navigate difficult conversations and inspire colleagues through change, alongside a demonstrable commitment to equality, diversity and inclusion. Above all, you will be committed to creating an environment in which colleagues and students can succeed, and to advancing the university’s ambitions through partnership, innovation and shared purpose. If you share our values of inclusivity, ambition, openness, fairness and respect, we invite you to help shape the future of Nottingham

I laughed out loud when I read “foster a culture of accountability”. I suppose that phrase does represent an admission that they don’t have one at the moment.

I wonder why they need a Senior Management team at all. The Eye story confirms the fact that all Nottingham University’s “strategic” decisions are made – at great expense – by management consultants.

Of course they are looking to a recruitment agency to fill these posts, so they’ll be fishing in the same pool that supplied such quality material for their previous management team – the one that bankrupted the University. Based on the above blurb, it looks like the three new College PVCs will replace five existing Faculty PVCs. Why could that not have been done through an internal process, which would have spared the considerable expense of resorting to a recruitment agency?

This sums up everything that it wrong with modern university “governance” – a jamboree for self-serving careerist types and austerity for everyone else. It has to stop.

Jodrell Bank Update

Posted in Science Politics with tags , , on August 13, 2026 by telescoper

With everything else that has been going on recently, I forgot to share this cartoon from the latest Private Eye:

Invigilator Training?

Posted in Education, Maynooth with tags , , , , on July 27, 2026 by telescoper

I saw the above cartoon in the latest Private Eye and, with Repeat Examinations rapdily approaching I thought I’d share it here without permission.

Years ago, academic staff had to invigilate their own examinations. I had to do this in my first teaching job at Queen Mary and, later, at Nottingham, but more recently the job has generally been done by support staff rather than academics. I moved from Nottingham to Cardiff in 2007 and don’t think I ever had to invigilate examinations there, so I haven’t done it for almost twenty years. Nowadays we are just expected to be “on call” to deal with any queries that arise in the Exam Hall by phone.

The cartoon reminded me of one of the funniest April Fool jokes I can recall. I think it was when I was at Queen Mary, but it’s so long ago I can’t remember who was responsible. Anyway, whichever colleague it was sent an email to all academic staff passing on what appeared to be a message from the University Management stating that all staff would be required to attend a compulsory day-long invigilator training workshop, including a “role play” session (the mind boggles). This message managed to trigger a significant number of staff members who made use of the “ReplyAll” on their email to vent their outrage at such a waste of time. It was a good April Fool, because the idea of it was quite plausible. Most April Fools are far too obvious.

Anyway, I’m not sorry that I no longer have to perform the task of exam invigilation, as it was always one of my least favourite jobs, and not only because I don’t enjoy seeing people under stress. Initially I thought supervising an examination might allow me time to do something useful, but there always seemed to be some interruption, such as students wanting an extra answer book, or asking about some issue with the examination paper, or wanting to leave to go to the toilet, etc.

The most dramatic interruption I can remember was when a student who suffered from epilepsy had a seizure in the examination hall. Fortunately we invigilators had been briefed as to what to do in such an eventuality, namely to move the furniture so the student didn’t hurt themselves but otherwise not to intervene until they went to sleep – which usually happens after a minute or two. This was done about 15 minutes before the exam started, not in a day-long training session. We were told that such an episode was unlikely as the student was taking medicine to prevent them occurring. It was quite when it actually happened, but happily the student recovered quickly and was perfectly OK afterwards. Apparently he had been so busy preparing for the examination that day he had forgotten to take his medication in the morning.

Having given up on the idea of doing some other work during an examination, I used to take a few crosswords to do. These are good for passing the time because you can solve a few clues then pause to look around the hall. Other things I used to do included walking around counting the number of right-handed and left-handed students, for example, though I never did any detailed statistical analysis of the results.

The primary purpose of invigilation is to prevent cheating or other misbehaviour, and I only ever saw a few examples of that – most of them involving calculators with, e.g., graph-plotting facilities which are not allowed.

Anyway, I’m glad I no longer have to invigilate examinations, and that makes me all the more grateful for the people who do. Here in Maynooth there are three examinations per day during the Examination Period, with a brief period between to put out the next set of papers, which means a long day for those who do this job. Hats off to the staff of the Exams Office at Maynooth who carry out this thankless task three times a year!

An Introduction to Philosophy

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on December 11, 2025 by telescoper
Cartoon from Private Eye

Publisherballs

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on January 26, 2025 by telescoper

Private Eye has a regular feature called “Commentatorballs” which contains various verbal gaffes perpetrated by sports commentators, usually sent in by members of the public. It used to be called “Colemanballs” after David Coleman, but the name was changed after he passed away in 2013. Years ago, I had a couple of my own contributions published, actually.

Anyway, I’m seriously thinking about running a similar feature on this blog devoted to outrageous blunders made by academic publishers.

Here’s one that would make a good entry in “Publisherballs” from the journal Radiology Case Reports, published by – you guessed it – Elsevier:

On the left you see the title, author data and abstract and on the right an extract from the text that clearly shows it was generated by ChatGPT or some other AI bot. The authors cut and pasted the output without even noticing that the software they were using was explaining it could not respond to the prompt they gave it. Clearly the careful editorial process at the journal didn’t even go as far as reading the paper…

The Post of Christmas Past

Posted in Maynooth with tags , , , on January 22, 2025 by telescoper

Hurrah! Today I received the Christmas issue of Private Eye:

It’s only taken a month to cross the Irish Sea from the UK and find its way to Maynooth!

I don’t know whether the delay is the fault of the Royal Mail or An Post or a mixture of both. Post is often delayed over the Christmas period, but not usually for this long. Storm Darragh caused some damage at the Port of Holyhead on 6th December which caused delays there until January. There was then bad weather in Ireland which caused disruption to deliveries. I suspect this item is part of a backlog gradually being cleared, as I have received post from the UK sent more recently than this.

Although this delay is an extreme example, the Eye usually arrives after about 10 days which means that more often than not I miss the deadline for the Crossword competition. I have therefore decided not to renew my subscription and instead to buy a copy at the local newsagent when it comes out.

Academic Publishing: Never Mind the Quality…

Posted in Open Access with tags , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2024 by telescoper

I was interested to see that the latest issue of Private Eye contains a short item about academic publishing:

I’ve heard many stories of this type, with publishers putting pressure on their Editorial Boards to allow more papers to be published. This is undoubtedly motivated by the Gold Open Access model in which authors or their institutions are forced to pay thousands of dollars upfront to publish papers. Since the publisher makes an eye-watering profit on every article, why not publish as many as possible? The recent decision by the Royal Astronomical Society adopt this model is highly likely to have a similar effect there, as its journals will be able to increase revenue at the expense of quality. Under the older subscription-based system, publishers could sell their product to libraries on the basis of quality but they no longer need to do that to make a profit.

The academic publishing industry is perverse enough without adding this obvious incentive to lower editorial standards. There are far too many low quality papers being published already, a situation driven not only by the profiteering of the publishing industry but also by the absurd policies of academia itself which require researchers to churn out huge numbers of papers to get promotion, win research grants, etc.

This part of the academic system is definitely broken. To fix it, academic publishing must be taken out of the hands of commercial publishers and put into the care of research institutions whose libraries are perfectly capable of publishing and curating articles on a non-profit basis. But that won’t be enough: we need also to overhaul how we do research assessment. The principles outlined in the San Francisco Declaration on Research Assessment would be a start.

Astronomy Volunteers Needed!

Posted in The Universe and Stuff with tags , on September 14, 2023 by telescoper

NASA apparently needs volunteers for an upcoming a forthcoming analysis:

From Private Eye

I’m not sure whether this involves a telescope, or an endoscope, or some other device yet to be erected, but I am always prepared to bend over backwards to help such initiatives. If you are similarly receptive, please apply to NASA. I’m sure they’ll be gratified by your submission.

A Day of Celebration (?)

Posted in Biographical, Politics with tags , on May 6, 2023 by telescoper

The latest version of Private Eye (the cover of which is shown above) arrived in the post yesterday. I thought I’d leave it until today to read it. Apparently there’s some sort of event happening in London which appears to be causing some disruption to traffic. I’m not watching RTÉ One, the main TV channel here in Ireland, but it seems to be showing a special four hour long episode of Coronation Street. I’m surprised there’s so much interest over here in what’s going on in Poundland.

I’m told that today’s events are a celebration of “British values”, which means locking up peaceful protestors who disagree with the Establishment. On the bright side, taunting the population with a conspicuous display of wealth in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis while the rivers fill with shit and the country crumbles all around will do wonders for those campaigning for a Republic.

I already live in a Republic, of course, and today I’ll be celebrating not the Coronation but the end of teaching term. I’ll be doing a bit of gardening, watching the URC quarter finals, cooking myself a self-indulgent dinner and of course doing the Private Eye crossword. Oh, and toasting the Tories’ resounding defeat in Thursday’s local elections…

Worrying Times…

Posted in Biographical, Covid-19, Education, Maynooth with tags , , , on November 14, 2021 by telescoper

So here I am, trying to plan my teaching for next week and wondering what’s going to happen between now and the end of term. Here at Maynooth University lectures finish on 17th December, five weeks from now. I’m just about on schedule to cover everything I’m supposed to, so I’m not worried about that.

What I am worried about is that Covid-19 cases are continuing to climb. The latest 7-day rolling average of new cases is over 3900 per day and the increasing trend show no sign of slowing down. It will reach the 5000 mark in a week or two. Some daily figures have already passed that milestone. The death rate is still relatively low – 74 Covid-19 related deaths were recorded in the last week – but is edging up; over a hundred people with Covid-19 are being treated in ICU as of today.

The Irish Government seems to have no intention of introducing effective countermeasures and is instead just advising people to cut down the amount of socializing they do. I don’t think that will work. It seems very clear to me that the Government lost the room many weeks ago by frequently implying that the Covid-19 pandemic was over. They then caved in to the hospitality industry by allowing nightclubs to open. It is no doubt in such places that the virus is spreading. The Government keep stating that they are concerned but do nothing, blinking at the onrushing disaster like rabbits caught in the headlights of an approaching car.

Case numbers on campus at Maynooth remain fairly low, though the latest figure (69) is almost double last week’s figure (35). Students in my classes continue to wear face coverings and observe the other protocols and all the signs are that lecture halls and labs are pretty safe environments but we have no say in what happens off campus. As well as being concerned for the health of students and staff, I have particular worries about my Department. We’ve been short-staffed since the start of term and simply have no spare effort to provide cover for lectures or tutorials if anyone becomes sick.

The Irish Health Service is under extreme pressure and the delivery of booster shots is being rolled out very slowly. I had my second Pfizer dose in June so should get a third shot in December but it is not clear that I will. I’m not going anywhere at Christmas anyway so that’s not a big deal but I’m worried by the broader picture. A cartoon in a recent issue of Private Eye is very apt:

Might we have to switch our lectures back online again before Christmas? Might our examinations be online again in January? Who knows. We’ll just have to wait and see but I think the blackboard in my study might be back in use very soon.